poem

Watching you leave

I stop, halt my tread upon the path.

Take a breath and look around.

I watch your back as you disappear ahead,

flying over the rock strewn path that tears at my ankles as I try to follow.

I know I can’t keep up,

I shouldn’t even be here trying to find you.

I was never meant to be here

but I saw you, wanted you, tried to follow.

 

A mistake that must be rectified

by painful choices and halted steps.

By stopping on the path, sitting down and breathing

while you fly ahead and out of sight.

I sit on the path and look around

at grey skies and rain that soak my skin.

The sun shines not upon the trespasser.

No blossom to sweeten the air, nor multi coloured butterflies alight upon my finger.

 

So where does this now rain soaked climber go?

Not onwards, for you are far away by now

with those whose rightful place is here upon your path.

There is no fabled crossroads, offering choices to the weary traveller.

Just this rocky path on which I trespass but can’t continue.

I could descend, retrace my steps and hope to find a turn.

A rutted lane, overgrown and mouldy, but nonetheless my own.

For now I will just sit and feel the rain and watch the grey.

I wanted this path, just this one, and am not yet ready to find another.

I must sit and ponder what was lost, no, never even caught, just chased.

I watch your back, you that was never meant for me, as you fly on out of sight.

Watching you leave without a backward glance, yet I cannot tear my eyes away.

Three in a world of one

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I am three.

In a world not made for me.

You are just one.

Each of you, just one person within yourself.

You know who you are, what you are, where you are from and where you are going.

I am three.

At one side is she who I try to leave behind.

At the other side is she I yearn to be.

In between, she who struggles to leave one behind but can’t, she who struggles to be the other but can’t.

Trapped between the two, held back by both and being nothing in herself.

A twisting turmoil mix of hate and yearning.

Trying to run away but at the same time chasing, never catching.

There is no me, I have no name and no identity.

I know not who I am nor who I am supposed to be.

I only know that which I yearn to be, and that which I yearn not to be.

Like two old friends who have outstayed their welcome

These two at my side shadow my every move, thought and dream.

It is they who decide what I achieve, not I

And they who steer my course.

To be just one, like you, must be strange and yet serene.

To be secure in who you are, to know yourself and like who you are.

I am three, in a world of ones.

An alien abroad.

Two Worlds

Two Worlds

by Merita King – copyright March 2013 all rights reserved

 

I cannot be, what you want me to be.

My soul is on a different path

And takes me away from fulfilling your desires.

I have to stand and watch you fade further away

Whilst I remain, alone in the bitter wind.

So long I’ve yearned for that which is denied me

And oceans of tears cannot change what has been written

In the dusty tomes of destiny.

When I look into your eyes I see an emptiness.

An emptiness I wish that I could fill.

My heart is heavy as I see you turn your back

And seek that missing piece elsewhere.

So many oceans seperate us.

Not only the icy roiling blue in which I long to drown.

I am not of your world of lights, smiles and opportunity.

You come from the land of the beautiful people

And I am not one of them.

I cannot live in your world

And your beauty would be tainted, sullied

From the foul touch of mine.

Your world is brightened by your presence within it

Whilst mine is greyer still than ever

With your absence from it.

I do not have the key to your world.

The world where beauty and perfection

Are the life blood of existence.

I was not blessed with beauty

When I came to serve my term.

That simple act of denial

Sentenced me to a punishment beyond imagining.

To watch you from afar, to love you, need you

Yet know that I can never know the joy

Of looking into your smiling eyes

And knowing your love in return.

Enjoy the bounty your beauty brings

For even that will pass one day for you.

But in the land of the beautiful people

You will always be loved

And I will always be invisible.

When the dust of time is blown from my tomb

And the name weathered from my stone.

I will walk the hinterland with sorrow for what was never to be

Yet hope that in another life

Our souls will touch, blend, be one.