You’d think with all our technology and knowledge that we’d be able to come up with some pretty cool gadgets.  We can send a man to the moon (allegedly) but we can’t invent things that would really make life go smoothly.

Take socks for instance.  My left one always twiddles around so the heel ends up on top of my instep and I’m forever having to twiddle it back again.  Only the left sock does it, never the right.  I’m sure someone out there has the creativity and genuine compassion for their fellow beings to devote some time to inventing non-twiddly socks.

Knickers are another bone of contention.  Numerous times a day my right butt cheek appears and gives praise to the wedgie god and I have to make a very inelegant gesture to ‘make myself comfortable’ again.  Always the right, never the left.  Someone please invent wedgie free knickers.

I’d also like non stick coasters.  No matter whether my drink is hot or cold, in glass or porcelain, the coaster always sticks to the bottom but magically comes unstuck halfway between table and mouth, whereupon it drops to the floor and skitters away under the sofa.  Then it’s onto my hands and knees, ass in the air while I rescue it.  Please Mr Scientist, invent non stick coasters.

While you’re at it, could you also devote some attention to bringing us pump sprays with a pipe inside that actually reaches the bottom of the bottle, sludge free hot chocolate, toilet tissue rolls with ends that are easy to find and separate, bubble packs that don’t require a hacksaw to open and all those other little things that we’d much rather have than men on the moon.

Thanks.